We're facebook friends in real life
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I understand Curling. That high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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