Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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