we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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