the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
