as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
