She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
