Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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