Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
