Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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