It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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