i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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