Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize