Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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