After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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