Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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