I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
