Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
