The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
