Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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