Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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