no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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