There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
