I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
