trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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