but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
