dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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