All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
