Dual....:-)
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
