I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
