i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
God, I missed his penis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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