Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
