We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
