I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
