Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
