make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
