i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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