there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
