just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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