No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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