I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
