Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
