is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize