Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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