wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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