he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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