Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
