I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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