Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
