just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
