glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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