but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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