Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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