I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Randomize
