I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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