Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
3pm strippers are depressing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
