Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
