One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
