this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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