There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
