i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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