if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
