You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
