dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
