I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize