I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
