Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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