I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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