But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
