Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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