Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
