I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
