Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
