In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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