Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
