i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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