if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
