I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
