just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
