I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
