my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
